July 1st, 2009
World tennis no. 1 Rafael Nadal withdrew from this year’s Wimbledon due to “tendonitis” in his knees. A plausible story. But the real explanation for his no-show has now been revealed: the star has been hiding out in his hotel room ever since getting embarrassing tattoos on both knees.
The bashful star revealed his tattoos to Spanish magazine ‘Hola a todos’ yesterday before immediately covering them up again and turning bright red. Reporters were tactful at first, asking what the tattoos (clearly penises) were supposed to symbolise. One journalist asked if the circular parts (testicles) were tennis balls, and if the protruding elements (penile shafts) were meant to be grandslam trophies. Nadal tittered like a schoolboy and said that the willies would be their special secret. His manager then whispered in his ear and Nadal’s manner became serious. “Seriously,” he added. “Don’t tell anyone.”
Asked why he had got the tattoos, said to be based closely on the anatomy of Boris Becker (left) and Pete Sampras (right), Nadal looked confused and close to tears. “I thought they would be lucky but then my girlfriend saw them and told me they were very embarrassing and it would not be acceptable for me to play in front of big crowds – sometimes with children and members of the royal family watching. Also I realise now it is not fair on Boris and Pete. It’s a shame for me because Wimbledon is a very special tournament, but when you have cocks on your knees it’s impossible to take part.”
Reporters remain unsure if Nadal is embarrassed or secretly proud of the tattoos, but he hasn’t worn shorts in public since early June.
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